What's in my Hospital Bag?

So, I've decided to be one of those mommy bloggers. Meaning yes, I am sending out another hospital bag blog post to the universe. I probably read like 10 different articles and blog posts and pins to decide what to put in mine, so maybe my post will help someone else out.

I'm currently about 2 weeks out from my due date as I type this first part. I won't post it until after I have little Abby so I can reiterate what I actually needed. But first, let's start with what I packed...

 First, I have my main bag. In it I have:

• Snacks & mints: for those midnight snack times
• Giant diaper pads: so that's not the legit name, but I've been told the more annoying and giant the pad, the better. Ugh.
• Pajamas: Two are button downs, one is a nursing top. I'm not too attached to the pants, so if I ruin them, oh well. 
• Phone charger: I only have a new one cause my old one is fraying so I'd rather just have my new one ready in the bag. Chances are, I'd forget to grab it in the heat of the moment, if it comes to that.
• Robe: I got a brand new lightweight robe for like $5 at the Salvation Army. Heck yes. 
• Socks with stickies: again, not the legit name. But socks/slippers with little non-slip stickies on the bottom cause hospitals are gross and cold. 
• Nursing bra: I only have one for right now, as I'm not sure what size I will need when my milk comes in. 
• Ugly grannie panties: If I ruin them, it'll be an excuse to trash them. 
• Not pictured: 

• A folder for my insurance information and anything I may be given at the hospital

And then I have my bag of toiletries. In it, I have:

• Headbands/hair ties 
• Nursing pads
• Shampoo & Conditioner
• Lotion
• Vaseline/Chapstick
• Face wash
• Body wash
• Dry shampoo
• Deodorant
• Toothbrush, toothpaste & mouthwash
• Not pictured:
• Makeup bag: I'm only bringing a few basics so I don't look completely dead in pictures. I keep the bag in my bathroom since I use the makeup every day. 
• Hairbrush: Again, I'll grab it last minute cause I use my hairbrush. 

Updates to come on what I actually use.....

Well, y'all... She's here! Like 3 months ago, but it's hard to find time to blog with a baby, a job, and a full load of schoolwork. Regardless, she's precious and I love her to death. Anyways, this post is about the bag. So here is what I actually used...

From my main bag:

• Snacks: my granola bars were perfect for when I had to take pain meds at 4 am and needed something on my stomach... 
• Giant diaper pads: the hospital supplies them, too. I actually used theirs the most, but I needed these once I got home too (but don't forget to take home any and everything you can from the hospital!)
• Pajamas: hospital gowns are the devil. That is all. I wore a pants and nursing tank set that I got cheap at a thrift store. Wasn't too concerned about ruining the pants, and the nursing top came in super handy. 
• Phone charger: 10 hours in labor (which actually flew by) PLUS 48 hour stay in the recovery room? Ya, it's a necessity. 
• Socks with stickies: hospital floors are gross. I was never particularly cold, but I didn't enjoy walking around on those floors without socks. 
• Nursing bra: Very useful. It's great to have another layer of coverage to hold nursing pads in place, and to keep your ever-growing breasts under (comfortable) control.
• Ugly granny panties: Yeah, they'll give you mesh panties to wear at the hospital. Use them. Buuuuut, they have absolutely no support whatsoever, so you may spend your time holding up your "diaper" when you walk to the bathroom. I liked layering the mesh under my granny panties for support and leak protection. 
• Folder: You will be given SO MANY PAPERS. From discharge info to advertisements to menus to instructions, you'll need somewhere to keep them from getting crumpled. 

And from my toiletry bag:

• Headbands: I did not want my hair in my face when I was in labor. These were a must. 
• Nursing pads: Some women leak more than others. I am one of them. My favorite brand is Lansinoh, they seem to be the softest but still are very absorbent and not too bulky. 
• Chapstick: Hospital air is sooooo dry. Don't wanna give baby kisses with chapped lips!
• Face wash: I stayed in bed most of the time I was in the hospital, and I didn't have many guests, so I stayed with dirty hair. My face gets greasy quick though, so I definitely kept it clean. It really depends on how presentable you want to look...
• Dry shampoo: Dirty hair's best friend. 
• Deodorant: Birth=hormones=hot flashes=sweat.
• Toothbrush, etc: Uh... Duh?
• Hairbrush: Well, I didn't want to look completely ridiculous. 

Basically I looked like a mess the whole time but I honestly did not care. I was too tired (why must nurses come in every two hours??? Do I seriously have to take my medicine at 4am????) and I didn't have many visitors come in that I wouldn't want to see me like that anyways. I had bigger priorities. To each his own, I suppose. Hope this helps you soon-to-be mommas!

xoxo, a. 

The First Weeks...

I cannot believe baby Abigail is almost two months old. They weren't kidding when they said time flies. It's unreal. We're finally getting used to each other and I'm learning her quirks. It's fun once I have them figured out, but the trial and error crying part isn't quite as fun. No matter how many articles I read and how much advice I received from friends and family, I still didn't listen. So here's what I feel like the first few weeks are like, and maybe a few tips to survive them...

If you thought you were on an emotional roller coaster while pregnant, you ain't seen nothing yet. Hormones PLUS sleep deprivation?? Hahahahahaha you're screwed.

During those first couple of weeks, there will be no schedule, no routine, nothing but guesswork, trial and error, and tears. Newborns sleep, eat, and poop. That's pretty much it. Sleep when baby sleeps. Seriously. As long as you have a clean pair of underwear, you don't really need to do laundry. Vacuuming the entire house for company can wait. They won't judge. They'll be too distracted by the baby.

Let people help you. I struggled with this one, mentally. I felt like a bad mom for letting my parents give Abigail a bottle or change her diaper. I soon realized that it wasn't like I was neglecting her. My family enjoyed doing it, and wouldn't have offered had they not wanted to or realized that I really needed the help. You can only do so much on 2 hours of sleep for 4 days. There's nothing wrong with taking a nap while someone else watches the baby. You need your rest too, supermom.

Just a little sneak picture for y'all.
I don't plan to put many pics of
Abigail on my blog, sorry.

You are not going to know what to do at first. Yes, you have maternal instincts. No, they don't come on like a switch in your head. I thought it would all just click. Uhh, nope. It's going to take trial and error to figure things out. You're probably going to have to fasten and unfasten those first few diapers several times before getting it right. It's gonna take a minute to go from sitting to standing with a baby in your hands. Passing baby off to another person? Awkward. There will be accidental boob grabbing and you might pinch baby a little. No big deal.

Babies are not as fragile as you think. Have you seen the way nurses throw them around like a sack of potatoes????? They aren't made of glass, and you're gonna have to do a little manipulation to get their arms through those pesky long sleeved gowns and onesies.

Weird stuff happens and it'll make you so upset for no reason. Here's a little story for y'all. The first few nights home, my mom slept upstairs with me to help me with Abby. It was awesome. However, all good things must come to an end, so she finally decided to sleep downstairs, leaving me alone with Abigail for the night. Well, my grandmother is in the next room but I do my best not to disturb her and the dog. Anyways, Abigail was sleeping in the cradle next to my bed, and she started crying. Time to eat, at like 3am. Cool, I expected as much. As I reached down to pick her up, I realized she was wet. Well craaaaap, diaper leak. So I take her into the nursery, lay her on the changing pad, and grab a new set of pajamas. As I lift up her gown, I realize something very important is missing. Her diaper. It's literally nowhere to be found. To cut the mystery short, it came unfastened and fell off in her cradle (she's a very wiggly baby, so this doesn't surprise me a bit). At this point, I still thought she was very fragile and had an intense fear of having to take clothes on and off over her head, as she screams every time (she absolutely hated diaper and wardrobe changes at first). So here I am with a wet, poopy, screaming, diaper-less 1 week old tiny baby, scared to death to get the gown off of her, trying to figure out how I'm going to change her, feed her, then change the sheets in her cradle. Cue me grabbing my phone, texting mom to come help me, then breaking into tears when she comes upstairs. Long story short, we got her changed, I didn't die, she didn't die, I now laugh at myself for freaking out, and I have grown to hate gowns. However, I can change her much faster now, and I'm not so afraid of hurting her.

The bottom line is this: babies are weird. They take a lot of getting used to. Like I've said about 3 times already, it's all trial and error. Each baby is different, and you'll eventually learn what works best for you. Good luck, new momma. You're gonna be great.

I know I haven't really said much about Abigail and myself specifically. We're doing great, and she's getting so big so quickly. I put her in a size 1 diaper today and I'm totally not okay with that. Is it too early to joke about putting a brick on her head to stop her from growing? She's a spoiled little thing, and she loooooves being held. She smiles, mostly right after she's thrown up all over me. It's adorable, actually. Thank you for all the kind words and thoughts and prayers. Keep them coming, please. I'm so grateful for y'all's support.

xoxo, a.

Things I Want To Teach My Daughter

I haven't even met Abigail yet and I already know so many things I want her to learn as she grows up. Things that I was taught by my mother and grandmother, things I was told by other people, and things I learned all on my own. I want my sweet daughter to have the best life she could possibly have, and she probably won't listen to half of my advice (I sure didn't-sorry mom), but at least I'll be able to say "I told you so" when she unavoidably messes up. ;) I'm just kidding, y'all. But really, why is it that we don't realize how right our parents are until it's just a little bit too late?

Abigail, if you're reading this in like 2035 (will the internet even exist then??????), I hope you've already heard these things from me, and if not, I hope you believe that I say them from experience and with sincerity.

1. Nobody will ever love you more than your mother. I even love you now, with your foot (or hand, or elbow or butt....) prying away at my ribcage. There's no telling how much more I'll love you with every single day that passes. 
2. Your mom is always going to be your best friend, even when you don't like her because she said no.
3. There's nothing wrong with reading a really cheesy book that provides no intellectual stimulation. Sometimes, it's just a nice escape. 
4. You look better with messy hair and confidence than you ever will in expensive clothes and self-doubt.
5. It only means he likes you when he's mean to you if he's in elementary school. After that, run. 
6. Seriously, run. 
7. You'll never learn from anyone's mistakes but your own. Still, take heed in their warnings. 
8. Never stay with an abusive partner. Emotional, physical, it doesn't matter. Leave. 
9. Good will prevail. It's not always immediate, it's not always easy. But the just will win. 
10. Lists are very important. Make many of them. If you're anything like me, you'll be very forgetful.
11. Enjoy each day like it's your last, but never lose sight of the future. 
12. Maturity is an attitude, not an age. 
13. Pick a career because you love what it stands for and how it helps you grow, not for the money. Unless you're in college. Then work the crappy jobs for the money, otherwise you're eating ramen tonight and tomorrow night and next week too. 
14. Never let someone intimidate you to the point of doing something you're not comfortable with. 
15. Always listen to stories from your elders. They're a lot more interesting than your history textbooks, and they tend to be much more relevant to you than you'll realize at first. 
16. Technology, lingo, trends- those things change. People, and human nature in general, don't. It took me far too long to believe that, but boy do I wish I had a lot sooner. 
17. It's really not that hard to just be nice and treat people with respect, even if that means you have to bite your tongue. You are free to think and feel whatever you want, but be nice to people. 
18. Don't gossip. People will turn on you quicker than a New York minute. If you have to talk about someone or something, talk to your mom. She probably doesn't like that girl's outfit either. ;) 
19. Moms are super great at keeping secrets, believe it or not. 
20. Believe it or not, I've been there. I'm older than you, so logic follows that I was once your age as well, not all that long ago. I probably do have a clue what you're feeling. 
21. Pray. God always listens, He always hears, and He will always be by your side. Trust that He will guide you to the place you need to be. 
22. Pick a favorite number. It doesn't really serve much of a purpose, but at least you'll always have an answer if someone asks. I may have placed this tip very strategically. 
23. Chances are, someone in your life isn't going to like you. They probably will know absolutely nothing about you, but will have all sorts of opinions on the way you live your life. Guess what? Chances are they have absolutely no clue what they're talking about. Best just to let them go on with their bitterness.
24. Get a pet fish at least once in your life. Preferably when you're old enough to take care of it by yourself, cause I'm really bad at taking care of fish. But, if you're like me, your fish will literally live for 5 years with almost no food. Don't ask me how. 
25. Don't be afraid to be the "jack of all trades, master of none." The phrase actually ends in "though oftentimes better than master of one." You don't have to be a superstar at one thing. Expand your knowledge and just be good at a bunch of things that you like. 
26. Little Debbies are good for the soul. 
27. Brand names are great, but you're paying for the name. My $30 Target cowboy boots lasted 5 years and were just as comfortable as any $200 pair. 
28. Write letters you'll never send. To the one who broke your heart, the one who broke your trust, the one you loved the most, the one you hate with a burning passion. Write that letter, save it in your journal. At least then you've said your thoughts, whether or not anyone will ever hear them, they're out from the confines of your head. 
29. Don't sit and ask yourself why something happened. Ask yourself how it will make you grow and get better in the future. 
30. Take 5 minutes, an hour, a day, even two, if you feel overwhelmed. Your mental health is more important that 5 points on a paper. Sometimes all you need is a good nap. 
31. Never be ashamed of your emotions. It's okay to get angry, embarrassed, or hurt over something simple. It's okay to laugh for absolutely no good reason. You have feelings for a reason, don't suppress them. 

There are so many more things I have yet to learn, so this list is definitely a "living and breathing document," as every single one of my college professors says about their syllabi. Y'all know I just had to throw something nerdy in there. All I can say is, Abigail, if you're reading this in the future, I hope you trust that I love you more than anything in the world and want nothing but the very best for you. 

That's all for now, folks. Please, share any advice you have in the comments below!

xoxo, a. 

Sugar and Spice....

It's hard to believe that my little Abby will be here in about 7 weeks. There's no way that's even possible. Considering how people still think I'm only like 3 months pregnant.... Nevertheless, I feel like I get bigger every day...

Tiny bump! ~20 weeks

Morning sickness isn't fun, but luckily mine hasn't been as bad as some (knock on wood). I've felt plenty crappy, don't get me wrong, but I've had so many people giving me advice on how to feel better! Ginger ale, Preggie Pop Drops, and Sea Bands have been a life saver! All are cheap and really worked for me, and a lot of other people, from what I've heard!

I'm really not a fan of the fatigue, lightheadedness, and constantly being out of breath. And unfortunately, the only remedies I've found for that so far is napping, snacking, and just trying to sit down between projects. I'll update you if I figure anything out for that...

30 weeks! Finally- a real bump!

Back pain is a serious complication when it comes to being on my feet all day at work. I've tried those maternity supports, and I have places and times that I can sit down, but it's still exhausting and painful! Seems like all I can really do is relax when I can, take a tylenol, and go about my day.

Some of the amazing gifts I got!

My baby tea was a success! Thank you to all of my lovely hostesses for making it a fantastic day, and thank you to all my friends and family who came and gave me such lovely and generous gifts! Abby and I are two blessed ladies, we cannot thank y'all enough!

Even more gifts... So blessed!

I'm finally starting to feel prepared. I have all of the necessities, so if for some reason Abby were to make an early arrival (please don't....), I feel like we'd be ready! There are still some things I might need a few more of, but generally I feel pretty confident that I don't have much more preparing to do. Although, my nesting urges keep me changing and reorganizing every day...

Thanks to my amazing friends that came.... Love y'all!

I'm sorry I've been so bad with posts lately! There are so many things I want to say, but I can't find the words, or they aren't things that are meant to be public. I have plenty of ideas, but I can't seem to be able to mush together the right topics to make a tangible post, which is the reason this post is so scattered. Pregnancy brain is a thing, lemme tell ya. I can't remember jack squat, and whatever I do remember comes back in fragments that only make sense to me, if at all. Plus, getting ready for Abby is becoming a much more time-sensitive priority, so she tends to come first over blogging. Harsh, but true.

I'm still so grateful for all my readers and family and friends who are so supportive of me in this time! I love y'all and appreciate everything you do for me! Please keep praying and sending positive thoughts. :)

xoxo, a.

It's Not Easy

Sometimes, we have to make decisions that don't please everybody. Sometimes they aren't always the most fun for ourselves, either. But, they have to be made. Recently, I've been faced with that very situation. 

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

The Lord called me to this Proverb today, and this particular verse stood out to me. Oh, how He speaks to us. I've spent so long making decisions on my own, based on my own wants. I know this isn't right, though, and I'm trying to change my ways. It's so hard to admit to being wrong, but I know my God is almighty, and that He knows better than I ever will. No matter what I do, there will always be someone who questions me, and it's very difficult to stand true to my beliefs. But, I know my God would not lead me to do something that isn't for my good and His glory. I know my God has a divine plan and that His will is perfect. The only peace I have these days is found in the knowledge that I am loved and lead by a perfect God who never falters. There have been so many times in my life where His will was not the same as mine. But, of course, who turned out to know best? My God, the one and only true God. Oh, how my passions have turned towards Him lately.

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. Lots of them. But, every day, I'm reminded of His love and compassion. Abby's kicks and nudges remind me of how amazing He truly is. He makes life!! He has blessed me with the opportunity to lead a heart to Him from the very beginning. No pressure or anything, right? Sometimes that can be a little scary, thinking it is my responsibility to be an example and a witness to God for my daughter. But I know that I can do it, because He will be guiding me every step of the way. (She kicked and rolled around just as I reread this paragraph to proofread. What a wonderful feeling!)

Sometimes I feel that my relationship with Christ is on and off, which is my own fault. But I know that He still loves me, and He longs for me to draw nearer to him. The only thing thats gets me through the day is His love and His will for me to continue on this earth. Without Him, I am nothing.

All that being said, I have made some difficult decisions lately. I'm so scared of hurting those that I love. I fear losing those closest to me. But I feel in my heart, my soul, and my mind, that I am doing what is best in the situation. I feel that is is God's will. I honestly feel that the Lord is leading me to do these things, and I have found peace in the knowledge that He would not lead me to do anything that is not wonderful. He knows better than I ever will, and I trust in His unfailing mercy and love.

My prayer: Lord, I come to you today as Your humble servant. I know that I have trusted in my own ways for too long, and I pray for Your forgiveness. Oh, what a gracious God you are for giving us forgiveness for all of our sins. I thank You for all of the beautiful things You have provided for us in this world. I pray for health, healing, wisdom, and peace in troubling times. I pray for those around me who do not know you, that they may come to know what a great God you are. I pray for those who do know you, that I may meet more people who love You like I do, that we may gather and discuss Your greatness. As You have told us, we are not to lean onto our own understanding, but we are to look to you for guidance, and to trust in Your judgement. God, I pray for your will to be done. You know my heart and you know my worries, and I give them all to You. I pray that you will guide me to doing the things that You want, and not to trust in myself. I pray that you will give me peace in Your wisdom, that I will not question Your authority and Your divine knowledge. Lord, you love us so much, and I pray that I can learn to love like you do. When we falter, You remain perfect. I hand over all of my worries to You, I submit only to you. I pray that your will be done. Amen.

I do not say any of this to force my beliefs and my faith down anyone's throats. But, I do not fear "insulting" anybody by sharing personal stories. I only write this to release my thoughts and to perhaps inspire some people who may be in similar situations. I thank all of you who read my posts, but again, I give the glory to God, who has blessed me with a knack for writing. I would love to hear stories from my readers who have been in similar situations, or just want to talk about how God is working in your lives. Thank you again, for reading my posts, and for believing in me. All I can do is ask for prayers from y'all, and pray again myself.

xoxo, a.

I'm Not Ashamed of My Pregnancy

Hello, I'm Aubrey. I'm 19 years old and pregnant. I'm not married yet, and I only just completed my freshman year in college. I have a small part-time job and I currently live at home with my parents. They pay for a lot of my stuff, but sometimes I buy my own clothes and food and stuff.

Hearing that, you could say I'm a statistic. On paper, it may look that way. But I'm here to tell you that I am not ashamed of my pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I understand the seriousness of my actions and choices and I plan to live humbly. But I am not ashamed, and I never will be.

A child is a miracle. I think anyone can agree with this. And, in my opinion, miracles come from the Lord. And the Lord doesn't make mistakes. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and there's always something to learn. In this case, Luke and I have been given an opportunity to spread our love for children onto our own child. There is no love like the love of a mother or father and their child. We have been given the chance to get our lives together and improve ourselves in order to give another human being a chance at a successful life.

I refuse to apologize for getting pregnant young. Our choices were our own, but the timing is all in God's hands. No, it's not going to be easy. Have you ever heard anyone say that raising a baby is a breeze? Even the most "prepared" family knows it's hectic.

Our situation does not in any way reduce the amount of love that this child will receive. My darling Abigail, mommy will love you. Daddy will love you. Your grandparents will love you. Your aunts and uncles and cousins will love you. You will have friends and family and everything you could possibly need. This baby will be loved, and she will never have to doubt that for a moment.

So if you still think I should be ashamed of this pregnancy, you're wrong. And, with all due respect, if you choose to judge us on our decisions and situation, I really don't care to hear about it. Through a time like this, we need nothing but support and love. If you choose to bring hatred and negativity around us, don't expect much respect in return.

To those of y'all who have been nothing but loving and supportive, we appreciate every bit of it. We are so grateful for all the good vibes and prayers that have been sent our way, and we just want to thank you for everything. We truly couldn't do this without y'all. Thanks so so much.

xoxo, a.