The First Weeks...

I cannot believe baby Abigail is almost two months old. They weren't kidding when they said time flies. It's unreal. We're finally getting used to each other and I'm learning her quirks. It's fun once I have them figured out, but the trial and error crying part isn't quite as fun. No matter how many articles I read and how much advice I received from friends and family, I still didn't listen. So here's what I feel like the first few weeks are like, and maybe a few tips to survive them...

If you thought you were on an emotional roller coaster while pregnant, you ain't seen nothing yet. Hormones PLUS sleep deprivation?? Hahahahahaha you're screwed.

During those first couple of weeks, there will be no schedule, no routine, nothing but guesswork, trial and error, and tears. Newborns sleep, eat, and poop. That's pretty much it. Sleep when baby sleeps. Seriously. As long as you have a clean pair of underwear, you don't really need to do laundry. Vacuuming the entire house for company can wait. They won't judge. They'll be too distracted by the baby.

Let people help you. I struggled with this one, mentally. I felt like a bad mom for letting my parents give Abigail a bottle or change her diaper. I soon realized that it wasn't like I was neglecting her. My family enjoyed doing it, and wouldn't have offered had they not wanted to or realized that I really needed the help. You can only do so much on 2 hours of sleep for 4 days. There's nothing wrong with taking a nap while someone else watches the baby. You need your rest too, supermom.

Just a little sneak picture for y'all.
I don't plan to put many pics of
Abigail on my blog, sorry.

You are not going to know what to do at first. Yes, you have maternal instincts. No, they don't come on like a switch in your head. I thought it would all just click. Uhh, nope. It's going to take trial and error to figure things out. You're probably going to have to fasten and unfasten those first few diapers several times before getting it right. It's gonna take a minute to go from sitting to standing with a baby in your hands. Passing baby off to another person? Awkward. There will be accidental boob grabbing and you might pinch baby a little. No big deal.

Babies are not as fragile as you think. Have you seen the way nurses throw them around like a sack of potatoes????? They aren't made of glass, and you're gonna have to do a little manipulation to get their arms through those pesky long sleeved gowns and onesies.

Weird stuff happens and it'll make you so upset for no reason. Here's a little story for y'all. The first few nights home, my mom slept upstairs with me to help me with Abby. It was awesome. However, all good things must come to an end, so she finally decided to sleep downstairs, leaving me alone with Abigail for the night. Well, my grandmother is in the next room but I do my best not to disturb her and the dog. Anyways, Abigail was sleeping in the cradle next to my bed, and she started crying. Time to eat, at like 3am. Cool, I expected as much. As I reached down to pick her up, I realized she was wet. Well craaaaap, diaper leak. So I take her into the nursery, lay her on the changing pad, and grab a new set of pajamas. As I lift up her gown, I realize something very important is missing. Her diaper. It's literally nowhere to be found. To cut the mystery short, it came unfastened and fell off in her cradle (she's a very wiggly baby, so this doesn't surprise me a bit). At this point, I still thought she was very fragile and had an intense fear of having to take clothes on and off over her head, as she screams every time (she absolutely hated diaper and wardrobe changes at first). So here I am with a wet, poopy, screaming, diaper-less 1 week old tiny baby, scared to death to get the gown off of her, trying to figure out how I'm going to change her, feed her, then change the sheets in her cradle. Cue me grabbing my phone, texting mom to come help me, then breaking into tears when she comes upstairs. Long story short, we got her changed, I didn't die, she didn't die, I now laugh at myself for freaking out, and I have grown to hate gowns. However, I can change her much faster now, and I'm not so afraid of hurting her.

The bottom line is this: babies are weird. They take a lot of getting used to. Like I've said about 3 times already, it's all trial and error. Each baby is different, and you'll eventually learn what works best for you. Good luck, new momma. You're gonna be great.

I know I haven't really said much about Abigail and myself specifically. We're doing great, and she's getting so big so quickly. I put her in a size 1 diaper today and I'm totally not okay with that. Is it too early to joke about putting a brick on her head to stop her from growing? She's a spoiled little thing, and she loooooves being held. She smiles, mostly right after she's thrown up all over me. It's adorable, actually. Thank you for all the kind words and thoughts and prayers. Keep them coming, please. I'm so grateful for y'all's support.

xoxo, a.

It's Not Easy

Sometimes, we have to make decisions that don't please everybody. Sometimes they aren't always the most fun for ourselves, either. But, they have to be made. Recently, I've been faced with that very situation. 

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

The Lord called me to this Proverb today, and this particular verse stood out to me. Oh, how He speaks to us. I've spent so long making decisions on my own, based on my own wants. I know this isn't right, though, and I'm trying to change my ways. It's so hard to admit to being wrong, but I know my God is almighty, and that He knows better than I ever will. No matter what I do, there will always be someone who questions me, and it's very difficult to stand true to my beliefs. But, I know my God would not lead me to do something that isn't for my good and His glory. I know my God has a divine plan and that His will is perfect. The only peace I have these days is found in the knowledge that I am loved and lead by a perfect God who never falters. There have been so many times in my life where His will was not the same as mine. But, of course, who turned out to know best? My God, the one and only true God. Oh, how my passions have turned towards Him lately.

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. Lots of them. But, every day, I'm reminded of His love and compassion. Abby's kicks and nudges remind me of how amazing He truly is. He makes life!! He has blessed me with the opportunity to lead a heart to Him from the very beginning. No pressure or anything, right? Sometimes that can be a little scary, thinking it is my responsibility to be an example and a witness to God for my daughter. But I know that I can do it, because He will be guiding me every step of the way. (She kicked and rolled around just as I reread this paragraph to proofread. What a wonderful feeling!)

Sometimes I feel that my relationship with Christ is on and off, which is my own fault. But I know that He still loves me, and He longs for me to draw nearer to him. The only thing thats gets me through the day is His love and His will for me to continue on this earth. Without Him, I am nothing.

All that being said, I have made some difficult decisions lately. I'm so scared of hurting those that I love. I fear losing those closest to me. But I feel in my heart, my soul, and my mind, that I am doing what is best in the situation. I feel that is is God's will. I honestly feel that the Lord is leading me to do these things, and I have found peace in the knowledge that He would not lead me to do anything that is not wonderful. He knows better than I ever will, and I trust in His unfailing mercy and love.

My prayer: Lord, I come to you today as Your humble servant. I know that I have trusted in my own ways for too long, and I pray for Your forgiveness. Oh, what a gracious God you are for giving us forgiveness for all of our sins. I thank You for all of the beautiful things You have provided for us in this world. I pray for health, healing, wisdom, and peace in troubling times. I pray for those around me who do not know you, that they may come to know what a great God you are. I pray for those who do know you, that I may meet more people who love You like I do, that we may gather and discuss Your greatness. As You have told us, we are not to lean onto our own understanding, but we are to look to you for guidance, and to trust in Your judgement. God, I pray for your will to be done. You know my heart and you know my worries, and I give them all to You. I pray that you will guide me to doing the things that You want, and not to trust in myself. I pray that you will give me peace in Your wisdom, that I will not question Your authority and Your divine knowledge. Lord, you love us so much, and I pray that I can learn to love like you do. When we falter, You remain perfect. I hand over all of my worries to You, I submit only to you. I pray that your will be done. Amen.

I do not say any of this to force my beliefs and my faith down anyone's throats. But, I do not fear "insulting" anybody by sharing personal stories. I only write this to release my thoughts and to perhaps inspire some people who may be in similar situations. I thank all of you who read my posts, but again, I give the glory to God, who has blessed me with a knack for writing. I would love to hear stories from my readers who have been in similar situations, or just want to talk about how God is working in your lives. Thank you again, for reading my posts, and for believing in me. All I can do is ask for prayers from y'all, and pray again myself.

xoxo, a.

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I've been making some big changes on my blog recently. I'm trying to make it more ascetically pleasing AND more useful. Plus, I want y'all to be more involved!! I have put my post archives and contact form on separate pages, cause my home page was gettin' crowded!

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The blue arrow points out something new I'm trying. It's a part of Google AdSense. I'm not exactly sure how it works, but basically, I can earn money through it. I think it depends on how many people click it, but I'm not sure. I'm not telling y'all to click it, because that may be cheating. I'm just letting y'all know why it's there. The ads will change. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, and that it may be a little annoying. I'm just a broke college kid trying to earn a little cash. 

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xoxo, a.